Loooooollll !

………….
maybe im not a normal scorp then.

Phoenix/scorpio I think i depends? maybe Eddie is more thinking about “making a scene”, or are you not?
So you are saying you don’t walk away for true emotions.
(do you agree with all the other points?)

Sort of like thecountess said: “Tell him you’re upset, let a few tears drop, but excuse yourself until you can speak about it a calm manner. ”

But, that is also very relative. Depends what you take as a standard of calm. And that will always be your own, unless you know a lot about people. And that also means your cultural standard, unless you know more cultures.

The personal calmness:
If you are always pretty calm then you will speak about your emotions in a calm manner, then you don’t have to speak about them in a even calmer manner. This person being upset is on the general scale maybe just a 4.

If you start with a 4, and if you are calm you are f.ex. talking in extremes, feeling attacked easily in a conversation.., then if you get upset maybe you hit the 8..

So i guess it depends on the person, and you also on the culture and sub-culture.

The cultural standards of calmness.
Because you also behave to an certain extend to the standards of what is culturally acceptable behavior.
How do people react if you are making a scene in public? on the street in a store, restaurant?

Think of a Norwegian movie, a Dutch movie, a German (if you ever saw one) a Asian movie (a real one, not just one with jackie chan), a French, a Spanish, an English, and an American.

Of course not every one is holding himself to the cultural standards of the country (some are trying to contradict them from time to time in a subculture), but as you were thinking of those movies, you might also been able to think of the different ways people react and interact with each other when they are mad.
Do they confront each other? (the more southern cultures, like the french, spanish and italian, endless fantastic lines of nagging, grumbling)
Do they withdraw? (dutch, english, the nothern part of Europe, they don’t usually seek confrontation)
How do they behave when in Love?
Do they express themselves freely? -obsessive, openly, public-
Do they try to ignore it? -try to get on with life, scared of rejection-

Is everything visible, or are there more things going on than meets the eye? (hidden feelings)

If you think of Sense and Sensibility of Pride and Prejudice, of course these are old stories, but compare it to billy Elliot and then to the Joy Luck Club (chinese women going to america).

What I am trying to say is that time culture and people decide what is “overly emotional reaction”.
60 years ago, wearing skirts above your knee was offensive to most people. Arguing with teachers or parents was NO GO. “you better go up to your room and cool down a little young girl/man!”
90 years ago it was shocking to cut your hair in a bob.
Ever saw Pleasant Ville or The Truman Show?

I believe as other people can try to calm themselves down but do show their emotions, scorpios can also learn not to run away. In that case you meet each other half way.

My sister is a scorpio, and she used to run away in arguments. Putting a lot of oxygen to the fire of the conversation herself finding it then too much to handle.
Or she didn’t want to explode in front of me or my mother, out of pride i think.
But after all this practicing (and i am glad my mother also understands and doesn’t cut conversations which might turn into arguments off) she now knows better how all this works.
And so do we.
And she is only 17, but i think she already grew very wise and has a good understanding of herself.
But especially with new people or friends/classmates that “betray” her as in they don’t “choose” her, when she has a birthday party and they choose to go some other place, she is deeply hurt, and doesn’t always knows how to handle her emotions, and really doesn’t want to show that to them.

Eddie – nice comment .
Thecountess – this is a good summery of all the other discussions !

thanks for posting it love tis blog

I’ve just come out of a relationship / rollercoaster ride, with a scorp! Never again…..too many mixed messages, pulling away, coming back and constantly breaking my heart. My advice: Quit while you’re ahead…..they will chew you up and spit you out!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hey love this..

hey Benita…I’m sag….and though I love this guy…I just can’t do this anymore! We became friends 2 years ago, hung out, get along great, laugh all the time, have the same interests, he said he’s never been so in sync with a woman before….but….he doesn’t want a relationship….though he started it a year into our friendship, and twice since, not wanting a relationship, wanting to try it again…..so, needless to say, the relationship and the friendship is over…which is sad…I don’t like losing friends….but he is so f***** in the head!! Who needs it!! Good luck to you….I hope you break through the barriers and nonsense! : )

then let us give our fool rides to them if is what they want…hahaha. why we bother if ain’t bother them. so ladies it’s all up to you how you deal with all those scorpiom men…

Divinesun, thank you for wishing me luck, i will probably need it in the future when i meet another scorp. A for your story, all i can say is woooooooooowwwwwwwww, he is one frustrating guy, i now know why you are frustrated and over it. I’d probably have gone mad by now. Am seeing an aries now, it’s pretty good , am happy and he helped me get over the scorp. I am so happy to just be back to my old self again and not all miserable. you know?! o wait..yeah, you do.lol. U met anyone else, since you broke away?

I am seeing the true definition of a scorpio male than I’ve seen before. I have read many rebuttal statements abt scorpio males before, but the one I’m dealing with must be a triple scorpio. He’s magnetic, enigmatic, brilliant, dangerous, detective like, sensuous, and just downright crazy. He wants complete control, and puts you through test. He also shuts down, very secretive, and is a workaholic… I love him, but I haven’t told him. Its been 14 months relationship, we have flirted for 10 years before we hooked up. I feel he loves me, but he cant say it. He is waiting for me, so he sends signs and wants me to read between the lines. He is a powerful guy and extremely handsome. I wish I could let him go because this relationship takes too much patience and a little psychotherapy.

I can top everyone here : I have been reasonably happily married for the second for almost 19 years . Something about my first marriage really began to bug me and I sent a birthday card to his mother’s house (the only address I knew from over 25 years ago). I did include my email address in the body of the card and only that my return address was in a particular city in a particular state, in other words the return address did not include my actual street / postal address. So, I get an email from within seven days of mailing the birthday card. I created a photo album and joined Facebook, assuming he might be interested in my life. He declined to join Facebook even temporarily. That was shot number one. By the end of the first week we had exchanged phone numbers and knowing that he was also married, I asked what would be the best time to call to which he responded : “At this point call when you can.” I called the next morning and was pleased to here his voice.

The catching up got pretty dicey when he admitted he had used a private detective to find out information about me, as he wondered whether I was in prison or dead ! Can you imagine my shock to hear him even consider that my being in prison was a possibility ! At any rate, he claims to be embarrassed by the amount of time he searched for me and the costs of the searches over a number of years. So, we find ourselves talking about pretty much nothing of substance except I learn he is attending medical school to complete his PhD. Cool right? Well, I really don’t care that a 51 year old man is going to become a doctor in about four more years. I wanted to talk about our children, that is hos two with his wife and my two with my husband. Did not happen. As a matter of fact he made it a point to let me know that he gave specific instructions to the private investigator to not tell him information about me that I might not want him to know. So, I asked my first husband how would a private investigator know what information I would not him to tell you…to which he responds that some information is purely subjective but all information that may be considered too personal is easily identifiable by anyone, therefore the investigator would just know what information I would not want him or her to reveal to my ex-husband. From my point of view as an investigator I am getting paid to absolutely nothing since my client has given me the discretion to tell him nothing that he/she thinks I (the one being investigated) does not want my first husband to know. This is ridiculous. So, off we go into the wild blue yonder of ifs woulds coulds and shoulds and for about two weeks the road to getting to know you was all green lights ahead. Until I told my ex that I did a preliminary search of my own name revealing where I had in fact lived these past 22 years and that the search had cost me nothing. When I used my name to confirm the information was accurate curiosity compelled me to learn what the sight would show about my ex. I learned he was still in our old home state and the names of his wife and their two children (now grown and over 21 years of age) were listed as his relatives. When I emailed this link to him he became very defensive and asked why I would do something like that? Excuse me? I was only doing what he had done to find out something and I was the one invading his privacy — all of a sudden ? That was shot number two.

He decided to tell me during the last phone call that he was tired, what with medical school and working 5-6 days a week paying for the tuition and still having money to support himself for monthly expenses, that he was kind of out of it…so I thought why not just cut to the chase and ask the important questions….kids…would not talk about them. How about (Name of wife), would not talk about it except to say why would I call her his wife and why would I assume he even had a wife……huh? So, I asked him straight out and he said, “I am a very private person,” as if he did not know who he was talking with…so I asked him if he knew who he was talking with to which he responded well it has been 22 years since we have seen/talked to each other so it is really more a question of not knowing you longer than I knew you (13 years including the marriage). In other words we would have to get to know each all over again. Sound right to you? Sure. Except, in the next breath he said that “People don’t change,” to which I respond that if people don’t change, but you have not known me longer than you knew me, then you really do know me since people don’t change. Well, you would have thought that said something that did not make sense since his only response was “I don’t know.” That was shot number three.

So, with about three minutes remaining in this timed 15 minute conversation (he had to get himself ready for the night. Go to sleep for five hours, drive to work and do an eight to ten hour shift), I asked whether our relationship in its getting to know each other stage could survive long distance if we did not talk a little more often, he responded that being long distance and talking every week was not a relationship. That was shot number four.

So, I deleted the Facebook account created specifically for him. I deleted my Yahoo Mail accounts created specifically to communicate with him, which was the email address included in the birthday card which reestablished our connection after 22 years. He has one way to get in contact with me and that is by a newly created email address that is not a Yahoo mail account. My expectation is he deleted my accounts without paying attention to their membership as Yahoo or otherwise and if I am right he has lost that avenue of communication. He does still have the telephone number and I still have his. So, having said all of this why would my Scorpio ex-husband look for me at all and then when confronted with my own personal search for him practically insults me by accusing me of invading his privacy!

The facts don’t change, just because you refuse to acknowledge them – Huxley

hey Benita….how are things today with your Scorp. Mine is being distant, yet still keeping in touch, though not as much as usual. I can’t make any sense of this…..is he into me, or is he not?! I hate the head games….the tests….and what exactly are the “tests”? anyone want to enlighten me on that? thanks. It’s hard to be just friends with them once you’ve been more…it’s painful….but I don’t want to lose the friendship…we had a great friendship before dating and ironically, are able to hold the friendship togehter most times now, only sometimes, it’s very trying for me. Oh my head….it hurts!! Hope you are doing okay ~ Divinesun : )

Hey divinesun, am sad to hear that things are still rocky with you and ur scorp. The best thing for it is to completely cut him off. Just for a bit[you can start breathing again lol] Am serious. It will probably hurt for the first couple of days but keep it up and trust me babe the results will be rewarding. This is not just an opinion, it actually works cause its what i did with my scorp and he simply won’t stop trying to get back into my good books. He’s going out of his way to grab my attention. Just ignore him, i mean completely, he messages you asking if you can hang out, don’t reply, completely ignore him. if he bumps into you pretend u haven’t seen him or something, don’t say hi until he does but don’t linger. if you can’t not say hi then say hi but keep walking. don’t stop for a chat or anything. treat him like u would someone who fancies you but u don’t feel the same. the results are astounding. My scorp is that guy who doesn’t really need to try hard to get girls and u know what those guys are like right?! they don’t expend much effort when it comes to women but he’s obviously making a lot of effort . Do this honey and then enjoy the attentin. hope i helped. i really want things to work out for you and your scorp.

Very Good point Chimera about the long road to a romantic union with these men. Maybe you could expound a bit more on how you did it. And just for clarification are you saying to scorpio men “why buy the cow?” or are you saying to the women that love them? We could all use as much help and guidance as possible.

@chimera – haha, it appears we’re all looking to each other for answers and guidance with these very unusual men. I actually have written another post on these complex creatures that I’m waiting for to be edited, but it poses more questions than answers. And actually your reply adds even more to the question of why we all have these incredibly SPECIFIC similarities when dealing with these guys. For example, i too had to completely throw out the window everything i thought about how a relationship should go. None of it applied – and yet by doing so actually caused me to see so many outmoded ways of relating and behaving that actually caused me to grow significantly as a person. I suppose this is the scorpio trait of transformation impacting us.

The cow issue is frustrating. They do appear complacent, as if they only act if they’re under under threat or the demise of something. Strangely though, I don’t notice that they backslide – which is good. They just seem to only move forward if you light a fire under their asses. Lol. In my personal relationship with my scorp, I have to walk out the door and leave him behind to actually accomplish anything. Not idol threats here, actually burn the whole thing to the ground. The repetitive cycle is vicious and exhausting and quite honestly i feel like you have to be a bit mad to continually subject yourself to such experiences and yet I can’t deny the progress that comes from it. Is it just their death/rebrith cycle that makes them behave in such way? I’ve heard some scorpios continually destroy their relationships so they can build it back up again, a little bit better, a little bit stronger. Kinda like an artist working on a project, scrapping it when it doesnt turn out quite right and starting all over again. But god, you have to have nerves of steel to endure that over and over again. However, it does become more tolerable the more you do it, as with anything.

My relationship dynamic would also not work well for probably about 90% of the women walking on this planet, lol. However I am unlike most women in quite a few ways so I suppose it’s par for course. Being an aqua, I relate to your Arien independence (in fact I’ve always enjoyed Aries – kinda always thought I’d end up with one, lol). My scorpio is the one that controls the time table of if and when we see each other, which I admit I openly resent though I’ve become more clever of how to manipulate it. But we too only see each other sporadically, and yet that doesn’t bother me. I thoroughly enjoy having time to miss somebody. Aquas love to think, so i appreciate my time thinking about him just as much as my time actually being with him. I’ve always considered our relationship to be like a rubber band. We stretch it as far as it can go and then let is snap back – which you can imagine the force and intensity that occurs from doing so. But I have detected a pattern. We have had many breaks in our relationship, very on and off, always with quite a bit of spectacle and noise when the breaks come AND when the reunions come. But the breaks have become shorter over time and the reunions have become more intense and emotional with each one. The push and pull aspect is off the charts. But it seems to create momentum so now I have a bit more faith in the process. But I too am never completely secure of just where I’m standing at any given moment. I’ve learned from experience, when those heightened dramatic showdowns occur, where I’m convinced I finally have him hooked, that the fallout is soon to follow. He retreats, almost spitefully, and the cycle continues. With them its almost like take what you can get when you can get it and enjoy the deep value of it because you’re going to need every last drop of it just to get through to the next phase.

But I wonder, do they do all of this intentionally and with calculated thought or is it just first nature to them to put the object of their desire through such hellish trials? Is it like you described, some baptismal purification, to constantly test and push to the limit? To only trust what survives? Or are they just not that into us?

Like any sign, there are so many different types of scorpios. Mainly I see two kinds – the ones that are immediately drawn to a lover and quickly devout themselves to her, almost too quick for my personal comfort. And then there are the ones that behave exactly opposite; behaving in and almost bi-polar extremity of “I need you NOW!” to “Get the hell away from me.” My scorpio is the latter. When he wants my attention, he is desperate, compulsive, emotional, intense, relentless and dramatic. The moments we share are something out of a movie. But when he no longer wants or needs it, he’s cold, apathetic and almost mean. The things that even come out of his mouth are completely contradictory. One day he’ll be declaring his devotion to me saying he wants me in his life to the very end and no one is more important than me or that he wants to be there for my daughter of which i gravely told him is not something he should say lightly and i find comments like that quite threatening. But then another day he could be yelling in my face he’s been using me and I should be smart enough to know. But honey as soon as i walk away from such a thing, its “Wait, i didn’t mean it like that. Come back.” Confusing? Uh, yeah.

But then again mine has a stellium in scorpio – FIVE planets so I’m pretty sure he might actually just be insane.

TheCountess, I will respond to your note in a while. My Scorpio gave me the best Christmas present by pulling the rug from under me. Our issue right now is what this relationship means to both of us. While he may be fixed, focused and always striving to be in control (to quote Victoria), I am just as equally stubborn, focused and determined. The very worst of Aries and Scorpio will come out tonight. I know if there is no leeway from his side, he will see the back of me and that will be the end of this relationship.

Incidentally, I have an Aquarius Rising with 5 planets in Aries in the 3rd house. I think those placements are more than enough to withstand a Scorpion attack, heh.

Hey Benita, thanks for your post of Dec. 10….sorry I’ve taken so long to write. So….we spent a couple nights in December together, our for dinner and then Christmas shopping. I bought him gifts, and surprisingly, he bought me gifts…a couple of my favorite things, body butter and candles! He loved what I got him and was blown away by the Blue Mountain “friendship” card….told me it was something I would have written myself…which is why I chose that card! lol We saw each other briefly on Christmas Eve, I was just dropping some gifts off from his brother…I had been there visiting, as his brother lives with my x-sister-in-law, who happens to be one of my best friends. We didn’t get together to do our gift exchange until this past Sunday night…..and I didn’t get home until Wednesday afternoon! lol. However, then came NY eve last night, and he said he wasn’t doing anything and when I asked if he was allowing me to come to hos place he said “no.”. Now, the 3 days we spent together were amazing! He told me he was feeling very loving, but also made it perfectly clear that he does not want a relationship and added a million and one reasons to the already million and one reasons he’s given me. But….I know how much he cares, I can feel it, and now he is pusing me away, cuz he already pulled me to him on Sunday…….it’s absolutely exhausting and upsetting! He did call at midnight on the dot last night, to wish me a Happy New Year, but I didn’t answer the phone….just couldn’t…..so, it starts all over again….I’m being pushed away…..wonder how long before he’s feeling “loving” again???? Let me know your thoughts on these events. I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and Wish you all the Best in 2010!! Thanks….Divinesun : )

@K – thanks your feedback. It’s good to hear other opinions that are in relationships with scorpios. Although I would look to clarify some of the points since it appears you took them in a manner I wasn’t I trying to imply.

1.) The point i was trying to make was not about rudeness but more tact. It’s definitely rude and flat abusive to call some one a fat ass. What i was trying to convey is that scorpios sometimes don’t realize how people perceive the things they say. That particular example was actually from my own personal life when my scorpio flatly asked if my ass got bigger. There was no derrogatory tone and he said bigger not fatter. I, being a woman, immediately became defensive and a bit insulted by the question, to which my scorpio was surprised and replied that he in fact liked it a bit more voluptuous. Again, the point being – scorpios sometimes have an abrupt way of stating things. I’ve also noticed they are honest to a fault. If you ask them how you look in an outfit, or in a certain shade of lipstick, they will give your their honest opinion, not one to spare your feelings. But they do this as an act of benevolence not degradation.

2.) as far as double standards go, quite honestly, most of us have them. We expect people to behave in certain ways but are often blind to the fact we don’t do the same. Scorpios just seem to be a bit more blatant about it. I fully believe, as i stated in the post, that you should argue it – I think they respect you more for it if you make a valid point. But they are fixed sign and often are stubborn to admit they might be being unfair. I said to accept it, not condone it. You can accept someone’s nature and their flaws by acknowledging them, even if you try to work on them with your partner. But sometimes, as with everything, it’s good to choose your battles wisely. There are somethings just not worth fighting over. If it doesn’t prevent you from being the person you are, but are just minor squabbles, sometimes a little give goes a long way. We all have places where we could use some accommodation…even if it doesn’t seem “fair” to our partners.

3. Some people, and not just scorpios, require more personal and alone time that others. This can confuse their partners and leave them to feel it’s personal towards them, when in fact it is not. Scorpios, along with a few other signs, often need time to process things, unwind, contemplate and reflect. If they are not allowed this time, it can cause them to become overwhelmed or high strung. This shouldn’t be considered at a slight to their partners. If anything their partners should respect that need and encourage it where they can because all it is a stress relieving practice.

As for as people yelling i hate you when they mean something else…well human’s don’t always communicate very well. Take most couples fights and you’ll hear a bunch of words that are not really reflective of what they really want to say. Many people become defensive when really they’re just threatened due to their own insecurities. I actually find women, more often than not, are prone to saying everything under the sun except what they really mean when they are injured. For example: a jealous woman may say to her partner, “well if you like suzie at your office so much that you have to stay late to work and miss dinner with ME than maybe you should go be with suzie.” When really what that woman wants to say is, “i’m scared you’re romantically interested in suzie and may have lost interest in me. Please say something that lets me know this isn’t true and reaffirms your feelings for me.” But most of us girls, don’t talk that way. We should but in the heat of the moment we don’t. My point was, scorpios aren’t always very clear about their true feelings, especially if they feel threatened or vunerable. They go into attack mode to preserve themselves. Hence why they were assigned a scorpion as their mascot.

5. You may have a point. Or maybe it’s modern psychology. I myself am always very concerned with aspects of co-dependcy. This is due to the generation I grew up in. On on hand, no you cant be responsible for someone’s happiness. It’s their choice. But on the other hand, you can help facilitate it. A partner can surely make another partner happy…and they surely can make one UNHAPPY. A kind word, a loving gesture, a gift – these things generally make people happy. I think if you try to make someone happy because you WANT them to be happy, not because you feel the need to or will feel guilt if you don’t is what makes it a positive thing as opposed to a negative thing

As for rescuing, that’s a word with a heavy connotation, one that has gained a bit of bad rap in the past couple decades. But you can reach out to people, you can attempt to save them from themselves. This is what our friends do for us when they advise us to slow down if our thoughts are running away from us. This is what therapists and counselors do when they help us with our issues. This is what families do when they intervene people on destructive paths. So I will state, it is not guaranteed that anyone can rescue someone but i do not believe it is impossible, nor that we should stop trying.

7. No wins ALL the time. And again, sometimes it’s a matter of giving to get. It’s only ego that makes us want to win. It doesn’t always serve a noble a point. I say throw a dog a bone if it gets them to relax and make your life easier.

8. Emotional displays of any kind can be perceived as attacks or make people uncomfortable. We all react differently under pressure. And ingrained in our dna is flight or fight syndrome when pressure occurs. Your emotional responses may not threaten your mate, which is good. That’s a nice sense of compatibility. But even without that compatibility, relationships can still be very solid. It just takes learning your partner well and learning to adapt to their ways. Many people get very overwhelmed and feel out of control of a situation with someone’s emotional responses. This could be due to how they were raised, due to previous encounters, due to the response themselves. But particularly sensitive people absorb all that energy in more detrimental ways than less sensitive people that have a defense mechanism to it. You could scream and yell in front of one person and it barely phase them but do that to someone that grew up in a household where no one raised their voice and they’re likely to react in a quite a different way. There’s nothing wrong with walking away from a confrontation or if you feel you can’t deal with a situation under the conditions that are in place. In fact, it’s necessary sometimes. A little cool down period always does good. But just like the saying goes, don’t dish it if you can’t take it. But a scorpio is not afraid of serving it right back up. This is a sign not afraid of confrontation.

10. All relationships, just like people, have their good points and their bad points. Some couples argue alot. Some couples hardly ever argue. But sometimes the couples that argue alot have a healthier relationship and accomplish things through their arguing than the couple that pretends everything is ok and lets things fester.

Some relationships are easy. And some are challenging. But sometimes the easy ones aren’t very fulfilling. And sometimes the challenging ones change our lives in very profound ways. Some people are easy to get along with and go with the flow and some people are difficult and have strange ways. But each of them has positive things to offer another person. You just have to be able to decide what works for you. As strange as it sounds, I’m the type of person that likes a little bit of conflict. I like to argue – I want someone to challenge me, i want someone to disagree with me. Because this makes me grow as a person. This forces me to see things differently. To think. It gets me excited, gets my blood pumping, gets my adrenaline going. For some people arguments DO create passion. And for many arguments diffuse it. But arguments don’t need to be damaging or destructive. They just need to be engaging. It’s also a form of bonding for me. Arguments can push boundaries. Going past those previously set boundaries and seeing your partner is still there and still loves you can create stronger bonds, which allow you to grow together instead of drifting apart. Some people absolutely would be appalled by such a relationship and feel very uncomfortable. It’s just personality.

But scorpios aren’t ones to settle for the easy road. They’re more like to take the bumpy and treacherous one less traveled. They’re not afraid to have an ideal that is difficult, if not painful to attain and yet dedicate their life to doing such. To me that’s admirable.

Youve got to be fucking kidding me. My computer came with less of an instruction manual.

Ladies if you find a man on earth worthy enough to expend your heart, soul, energy and time deciphering all this shit just to make him happy….your an ASS. I was in love with and spent 22 years….thats right 22 fucking years throwing my pearls before a Scorpio swine, and do you know what I got for all my “playing by the rules” and dedicating my life to this addict, low life womanizing peice of shit????? NOTHING BUT HEARTBREAK AND CRUELTY. My advice….RUN….NOW…..DONT WAIT…..JUST GO….and tell him to fuck himself from now one on your way out the door. There are so many beautiful loving, adoring men in this universe, why would any woman in her right mind try to find paradise in Hell. PULEASE.

“And if it was reallllllyy horrible, everything else in the future will seem like cake in comparison. Turn that story around. You didn’t come out on the bottom. You came out on top.”

Well said there Thecountess